Jo 38

I am Jo, 38, a woman who builds cabinets, doors, and the occasional stair that has to be quiet underfoot. My hands stay rough no matter what cream I use, and I have stopped apologizing for that. My husband is Ray, 40. He runs the numbers for the shop and he is softer-spoken than people expect from a man his size. Abel is 36, a furniture maker we met on a shared job, and he has been eating lunch on our porch for a year. Last month the three of us agreed, before any night, that we wanted each other in bed as well as in the work. We said it on a Tuesday with the tools put away. Any one of us can call it off. I like praise that is specific. I like hands that know grain and also know how to ask before they take. Nothing about this is a secret from the marriage. Ray helped me say it.