Journal 10
Aisha 25
Surgical resident
- Life
- Overworked. A tiny studio next to the hospital. Sleep like a rumor.
- Temper
- Exhausted, high-achieving, secretly reckless in the margins.
Kinks
- Sleep-deprivation play
- Medical instruments
- Public risk
Surgery track. I am good at the job and I am reckless in the half hours, because the half hours are the only place an attending isn't watching my hands. On call I use the instruments on myself. Door unlocked, on purpose. Speculum, gloves, the ritual that makes me wetter than the risk, and the risk is the point.
I want someone to walk in while I'm open. I clean what I used the way I would clean it for a patient. The recklessness ends at someone else's body. Mine, I spend.
The blog
2 entries, newest first.
He opened it
Two nights later the door actually moved. A medicine resident, thirty, someone I nod at over bad coffee. He saw the speculum and my hand and the unlocked invitation and froze like the wrong room. Don't apologize, I said. My voice was shredded. Either come here or leave. Don't stand in the doorway collecting a story. He came in. He shut the door, which almost disappointed me, and then I…
Read full postUnlocked
On-call room 3. 03:12. The hour where your own name sounds like a rumor. I gloved. I warmed the speculum in my hand because I'm not interested in stupidity, only in being found. I locked nothing. Scrubs at my knees, the awful cot, the click of the blades the loudest thing in the room. Hall light under the door. Footsteps passed once and my cunt clenched around the metal so…
Read full post