← Zara's journal

Both, and look

I set one phone on the tripod and the other against the mirror so I'd have the reflection, not just the angle everybody has.

Marcus in my cunt, Devon in my ass, me on my knees on the rug facing the glass. I told them not to cover my face. I want to see me. The stretch made my mouth dumb. I watched it: eyes wet, stomach shaking, spit falling onto my own chest because I couldn't swallow and moan and take both. Devon spat on my back and rubbed it in with his thumb. I watched that too.

I came looking at myself. It wasn't pretty the way brands mean pretty. It was pretty the way a body is pretty when it tells the truth. They came where I asked. One on my tongue, one across my cheek and collarbone. I held still for the mirror. Then I turned the cameras off and left it there.

the mirror with my face marked, both of them still in frame, my eyes on my own eyes.
Photo: the mirror with my face marked, both of them still in frame, my eyes on my own eyes.

I like an audience. I like being the audience more. If I can't see the way my mouth goes stupid, half the orgasm is missing. They know that now. They fuck the woman in the glass, and I fuck her with them.